When we planned our wedding, we spent so much time and effort to put everything together. We double, triple checked every small detail. My fiancée (at the time) worried so much. She lost nearly 10 pounds and looked tired. I thought wedding planning would be easy for us because I’d been a wedding photographer for years, done many weddings. The truth is no matter who you are (bridesmaid, guest, vendor, etc.), when you come to a wedding and it is not yours, things get easy. But if it is your wedding, you would feel just like us: worry, nervous, exhausted, wouldn’t you?
A few days before our big day, I told my fiancée that although we did our best, don’t expect everything to be perfect or she would feel so stressful because …
Anything can go wrong at any wedding
We all want a perfect wedding. While some weddings will go smoothly, some will have a few hiccups. There are so many objective elements that you can’t control. Once it happened, it happened and there is nothing you can do to “unhappen” it. My best advice is to expect the unexpected.
If it does happen…
Think positively, focus on immediate solutions
When things go wrong, most people (especially brides) will stress out. They start to get angry, some will yell at someone else. Yes, they can express their disappointment however they want. But let me tell you this: “Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should.” If expressing the disappointment helps you fix the problem, do it. But unfortunately, it rarely will. It just worsens the situation.
Don’t get angry, don’t yell at someone. Instead, focus your thought and energy on a solution/alternative. Only by doing this, you can fix the problem (which is what you ultimately want, don’t you?) and the people around you are happy too. Don’t fix it alone. Ask for help from everyone else. Outsiders often think better than insiders when things go wrong.
If nobody has a solution…
Just go with the flow when things go wrong
Although you know when things go wrong, your guests will not know. Guests are just audiences, and audiences don’t know the real plot behind a play.
What if it is so obvious that everyone knows? Are they going to criticise? Are they going to laugh at you?… NONE. This is your wedding and they are not critics. They are there to celebrate your day, to embrace every moment you share with them. They will sympathize with you if things go wrong.
But it is you who need to…
Embrace the imperfections
Do you remember the silly things you did when you were little? Back then, you didn’t want to talk about them, did you? But now, it’s entertaining and funny when you mention them. They are quite memorable, aren’t they?
Think the same way about your wedding. When things go wrong, the imperfections might be embarrassing to talk about now, but don’t let it bug you. Rather, they will be the best story you can tell your grandkids. Indeed, it makes your wedding real, makes your wedding a perfect story with the good and the bad blended together.
This is why we always recommend wedding photojournalism to our clients as the best photography style for their wedding. Unlike other styles which keep only the beautiful and fancy things, leave the less-than-perfect behind, wedding photojournalism also captures the imperfections, which will become invaluable memories as time goes by.
The last thing you must do if you don’t want to feel stressful is…
Stop asking “What can go wrong at my wedding?”
Because … I already said: “anything can go wrong”.
Don’t listen to horror stories, don’t search for bad experiences from other people. They only make you feel more stressful. You already have too much to worry about. This is why until now, I haven’t given a specific example of what might go wrong. Although I’ve seen many and I had some at my own wedding, none of those is part of your wedding. Just do your best to prepare. This is why we give you lots of advice, tips, guidance (like this, and this, and many more) in our blog to help you prepare. However, once the preparation period is over, it is the day you let the stress go, feel the love, and create great memories together.